|
|
You are viewing the most recent 20 entries November 25th, 200501:54 am: my life=teh sux
this si what i posted in the gm boards on xaos I've been living with my dad for about a year now, much longer then my mother thought i could, and i thought i could take living with him. Sadly, I cannot. I have endured so long because it gave me net access 24/7 and i was able to do things on my own. Because of this i suffer form chronic depression of lonliness everyday. I have decided that at the end of the year* my college semester* i shall return back home with my mother. What this means in the forms of GM duties is that my net time will be cut by at least half. My life is a horrid mess and while i finally found a job here, i might have to quit that as well. I can't continue going on through this depression day after day and just being miserable. I'ts Nov. 25 and the exact date of my move is unknown as i must converse this with my mother. I'm sorry to tell you all this and I am glad to be part of this staff. I know that my job isn't the most important nor am i no where near valuable as our famed pengo and bison. If YOu so wish to cut me I will understand. But i have to move back home to sort out my life, if you don't cut me i will still try and do my job at the most, but i won't be able to be on 24/7 like i used. I'll fill you in as the plans progress because right now I still have a month before i leave this hellhole known as my fathers house. __________________ pretty much all there is to say -_-
November 20th, 200512:42 pm:
finally got a joba t the olive garden, italian food HERE I COME. apparently heather still has no interest in me *sobs* but i'll cotinue waiting for her until she's 18. :/ funds are low, debit card is about to die. That's it. i'm depressed cause i'm lonely and i need some buds. laters all
November 5th, 200503:09 am:
standard grades, no job, martin coming for chrismas, need cash, new car, very busy, no time to update, incoherent sentences. bad update. do it later. :3
October 25th, 200505:26 am: Does the emo beckon the horizon?
I'm doing much better this semester in college, yet i still feel as lonely and depressed. Being copped up at home alone, not being able to find a job is realyl dragging me down. I long for companionship which I am just not getting. seeing all my old hs buddies doing so much better then I worsens my mood. So i'm feeling lonely, depressed, and like I don't have any freinds. Now to switch gears, i've been reading up on a bit about jack thompson *apparently the guy who says all gaming is evil WE ARE KILLERS* he even said that GTA TRAINS people to shoot cops. Unless i'm mistaken...guns don't use an analog stick to aim in a 3rd person mode. Maybe i'm just not up to the new gun technology these days. Here are some fun jack thompson links so you may luagh at him like i do MWAHAHAH Also...IM GETTIG SICK OF CHANGING WOW SERVERS FOR FREINDS. i've moved to 4 diff servers so none of my chars are past 32 :/ IT SUCKS. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jack_Thompson_%28attorney%29#.22A_Modest_Video_Game_Proposal.22http://www.joystiq.com/entry/1234000193063914/http://www.joystiq.com/entry/1234000627063759
October 5th, 200504:10 am: whats going on
as i spend more and more time in my computer, i become distant to all. even my freinds on the net sometimes feel like they aren't freinds. Where to turn, who to tell? sad thing, feels like i got no one :/ so BLAH. not much else for an update, just lonely ;-;
September 17th, 200512:02 am: been forever
I have not updated in forever. I'm taking college classes, today in pysch i found someone who i got a study date with. she's kinda cool. I'm organizing some study groups at denny's for our pysch class. i have old memories returning. Wonder if we will continue the tradition of martin for x-mas :p this time i need to promise to be better to him. last chrismas kinda ignored him which was bad :/ i got a movie thing at blockbuster, so time to catch up on my movies. God of war=awesome game, very fun. I play wow now, i'm on Dakr iron and ice crown now. RO kinda losing it's fun to me. Now for the new naruto show on CN. IT SUCKS. the voices are lame, naruto's especially, they ruined the opening and closing endgins. why couldn't they have gone the way cowboy beebop, and just keep it good. they got rid of blood, which is funny since lots of blood in naruto. i've got vaught up on my naruto manga now, and AC is now available for bootleg. i must resist the tempty goodness and wait for legal release
July 26th, 200505:33 pm: what to do
life..this is the question that we all wonder about. First news first, met this realy nice girl named aly. ^^ i hope we can work out together well. I'm moving back home with dad. Hopefully i won't fail all my college this year. i inted on being more college active. As soon as ROB gets quex off his lazy btt i can play ff11 finally. getting a new laptop soon hopefully. Well, i'm off into the great blue yonder known as adulthood. whee
June 23rd, 200509:31 pm: Busy Busy
with my newly appointed duties, no time have I for slacking. With my new online job and my two summer jobs i just got, where will i find the time to do anything? Sadly, i cannot use any home consoles except my brand new DS at home. I lent out my x-box to johnny, so at least he should have some fun. Oddly enough, most of my old freinds aren't trying to keep in contact *mostly dissapointed about heather though* duck, i can't find your number, give it to me whenever you read this =3.
June 7th, 200511:41 pm: Whats up?!
Back in hollister, so you better be reading this duck. Time to party. Micheal will be returning this month hopefully, finals end this week, which means lan party for my school freinds. Hopefully at least. Lets try and set one up duck. Been feeling lonely lately, i need some IRL freinds that i can chill with, and go to jerry's or denny's or something. Been feeling miserable. I hate standing around, waiting for my fingerprints to clear. Well, insomnia calls to me, lates yo
May 30th, 200502:01 pm: Looking back
As I look back at my life i relize, i've done alot of stupid things. made alot of things i now regret. But you know, life moves on. The decisions we make have us decide what is right and what is wrong. I'm workign on full time student this upcoming semester, cutting online at least by 70%. i'm moving back down, gonna hang with duck+josh. Not alot else to say. i had a huge post in mind, but i got sidetracked by irc. maybe some other time. lates yo
May 28th, 200502:01 am: Guild Wars
I got guild wars and I must say, wow. I am impressed by the game, it relies heavily on teamwork. i must admit that it could use some touches. Lately, i don't Play RO anymore. I think my addiction is gone. Updated my msn and aol buddy lists. ALot of names that needed ot be removed. It's 2:02 am and i'm about to go to ihop. I'm moving back down during summer with my mom. i'm going to be leaving the internet for a while in one week. It's going to be odd, but when i come back who knows when i'll turn on ym computer again. Well..see ya all laterz peeps. Going to ihop now :o Current Mood: grawr =3 Current Music: none May 24th, 200503:51 am: Been a while
3:51 in the morning. can't sleep cause i can barely breathe, can't find my inhaler, so i guess i gotta tough it out. My eyes have been hurting alot, and my glasses don't help. Wonder if it's staring at a computer screen to long. Speaking of which, i find more and more, i don't care what happens online as much. I've kinda solidated myself and am sorta giving up on online. I guess thats good in a sense. It will make me have a life. ANyway, i'm expecting lisa to come over during summer, that will be a blast. on two RO servers now, euph and xaos. Unfrotunalty, someone i was trying to avoid decided to follow me to euph. really don't wanna be arounde her but whatever, who cares. Finals are over, failed 2/3 of my 3 classes, possibly my 3rd as well. lost my job due to me being arrested and it not being cleared from my record, stupid goverenment. Life just never seems to go my way. I haven't written in forever. I wonder where my life will lead me. Still wanna go to germany, but only because it does intruige me. The language is fun, especially when you yell it out loud. Even though i do suck at it. Lately i wonder about my freinds, and if I still got em. YOu know something is wrong when neither of you even bother to talk to each other. Heather is so concerned about he rjealous BF that i can't evens ee her during summer. What a pain in the butt. Me and my bro always seem to be on bad terms, and I snap at my whole family. TImes like this i wish micheal was around. We could hang out all night, and just be stupid. Ah well. Life goes on, i'm sick as hell, can barely breath and am rambling. Time to go read others LJ posts. Lates yo. Peace ~Ryo Current Mood:  sick ;_; Current Music: Adult swim background April 23rd, 200511:43 am: Whats been going on
I have noticed some things in xRO. People leaving guilds, joining new ones one's, it's odd how notice things. I guess I'll just blab some out. SiP has lsot two members, one being interested in adw, and one being interested in twp. Engel left LM, i've heard different stories, but my eyes show's me that she is interested in adw. Yohko left LM for F tensions rise. SOme of my guildies have left as well. It's like the calm before the storm. It's odd how all these things pass. I wish I could make WoE today, but I have to go to a wedding. Things change with time, and time is constantly moving. You look backa t events and think, why was I so stupid, or why didn't I do that. What is it we strive for in life? I've noticed i've been getting more and more addicted to this RO game. During the summer i'm cutting my time in half. I'm getting my life back on track. I need to stop trying to romance online, getting stabbed in the back, finding false freinds. Sure some of them i've met have become true freinds of mine, but msot of them are just false. I've made some enemies, and sometimes it doesn't feel like it's worth it. I've had heartbreaks, mental breakdowns, and alot of other crap. Well that's it for today update later :P guild stuff is weird.
April 11th, 200510:00 pm: Pondering
Me and scorpz been tlaking lately, and we came up with a theory. Check this out you pysch majors. there are two stats of minds we humans have. depression+happiness. When we are happy, people tend to not pay as mucha ttention and think everything fine. Because of that we get lonely. When we are depresed and miserable, people pay attention, baby you, ask whats wrong. So are we happier being miserable then we are being happy? Are we miserable when happy and happy when miserable? We get what we want when we are sad, because people pity us. We don't get what we want when wea re hapyp because everyone is fine. Which is it that we are relaly happy? being miserable? or being happy? it's quite a deep thought, and me and scorpz had fun talking about it. News about me: been playing on a new RO server, not bad. Need to focus more on school. German trip during summer cancelled, got a job for the summer. that's about it. nothing much else. <3 ya rob Current Mood:  delciously evil Current Music: www.gamingfm.com April 8th, 200507:22 pm: The lamest thing ever
this has gotta be the lamest excuse I have ever heard. [01:03:59 PM] Engel - mhmm: *poke* [01:04:03 PM] Would you be: hm? [01:04:14 PM] Engel - mhmm: whats wrong with ya? -.-' [01:04:24 PM] Would you be: alot -_- [01:05:36 PM] Engel - mhmm: huh? [01:06:08 PM] Would you be: - -; [01:06:21 PM] Engel - mhmm: [ Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<_<>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.] this has gotta be the lamest excuse I have ever heard.
[01:03:59 PM] Engel - mhmm: *poke*
[01:04:03 PM] Would you be: hm?
[01:04:14 PM] Engel - mhmm: whats wrong with ya? -.-'
[01:04:24 PM] Would you be: alot -_-
[01:05:36 PM] Engel - mhmm: huh?
[01:06:08 PM] Would you be: - -;
[01:06:21 PM] Engel - mhmm: <_<
[01:06:27 PM] Engel - mhmm: u should tell me so i do know?
[01:06:36 PM] Would you be: what do you think it is lydia
[01:06:40 PM] Would you be: try guessing
[01:06:47 PM] Engel - mhmm: i wont guess <_<;
[01:06:55 PM] Engel - mhmm: tell me or tell me not up to you
[01:06:56 PM] Engel - mhmm: -_-
[01:07:00 PM] Would you be: fine
[01:07:03 PM] Would you be: i don't think you care
[01:07:06 PM] Would you be: how's that
[01:07:12 PM] Would you be: you won't even bother to guess -_-
[01:07:28 PM] Engel - mhmm: -_-
[01:07:45 PM] Would you be: you won't even take much of an effort to
find out
[01:13:01 PM] Would you be: then you stop talking -_-
[01:13:36 PM] Engel - mhmm: <_<
[01:13:44 PM] Engel - mhmm: ive like 6 msn pms open >.> sorry
[01:14:19 PM] Would you be: you know, i'd think this one would have
more pressing concerns
[01:14:23 PM] Would you be: but i guess not
[01:14:36 PM] Engel - mhmm: -_-'
[01:14:40 PM] Engel - mhmm: pressing what?!
[01:14:43 PM] Engel - mhmm: *confused*
[01:14:49 PM] Would you be: that it would be more important lydia
[01:15:10 PM] Engel - mhmm: <_< ....
[01:55:40 PM] Engel - mhmm: hmm <.<
[01:55:42 PM] * Would you be willing to give up your career, your
life, everything for the one you love? Or would you run
away.... is now Online
[01:56:48 PM] Engel - mhmm: we should talk i guess
[01:57:48 PM] Would you be: well? start talking
[01:58:13 PM] Engel - mhmm: theres some we gotta talk about
[01:58:28 PM] Would you be: found someone else again lydia..
[01:58:44 PM] Engel - mhmm: nope <.<
[01:58:49 PM] Would you be: then what is it
[01:58:55 PM] Engel - mhmm: well..
[01:59:03 PM] Engel - mhmm: about ur comeing over...
[01:59:10 PM] Engel - mhmm: i dun want ya to <_<
[01:59:27 PM] Would you be: why not
[01:59:50 PM] Engel - mhmm: u might be not wanting either anymore when
i tell you <_<;
[01:59:59 PM] Would you be: just stop messing with em lydia
[02:00:04 PM] Would you be: i'm getitng sick of this
[02:00:08 PM] Engel - mhmm: -.-
[02:00:30 PM] Engel - mhmm: streight way fine
[02:01:03 PM] Engel - mhmm: i don't feel for you that way anymore, so
its over
[02:01:07 PM] Engel - mhmm: im sorry -_-
[02:01:12 PM] Would you be: well lydia
[02:01:13 PM] Would you be: about fucking time
[02:01:21 PM] Would you be: thanks for stringing me along
[02:01:27 PM] Would you be: remind me to never again trust you
[02:01:46 PM] Engel - mhmm: -_-'
[02:01:49 PM] * Engel - mhmm Oo; yay ^_^ has been blocked
now this next part takes the cake even more
(From Engel) : =x ...mind if i say soething?
(From Engel) : just want to explain you why =|
(From Engel) : if you want to know thats it :x
(To Engel) : why would i -_-
(From Engel) : iunno =|
(To Engel) : you do know i don't trust you one bit now right?
(From Engel) : i know and uve all reason to
(From Engel) : its just well.. since it came nearer that u come over.. i got scared
(From Engel) : that it wont be like i want it =x so the feeling left me -_-
(To Engel) : that is buillshit lydia
(To Engel) : and the worst escuse i ever heard
(From Engel) : might be buts the truth -_-'
(To Engel) : yeah well it means you never cared
(To Engel) : if your to scared to even tell me
(To Engel) : i trusted you
(To Engel) : and you betrayed that for the 4th time
(To Engel) : for the stupidest reason i've ever heard
(From Engel) : =x sorry.. but this time i didnt betray you
(To Engel) : whatever
(From Engel) : im more be traying myself
(To Engel) : leave me alone lydia.....
(To Engel) : you've done enough damage to my heart
(To Engel) : whenever i feel like i can talk to you again i'll let you know
(To Engel) : but until then...just leave me alone
Shugo : im gonna flip soon, i havent lvled at all this morning T_T
(To Engel) : you've done enough...
(From Engel) : fine.. =x just wanted to let ya know why..
(From Engel) : bye then
(To Engel) : whatever
(To Engel) : leave me alone
(To Engel) : take your lies, your bullshit, and get out of ym life for now
(To Engel) : i'll let you back in if i can ever believe a word you say again
now then, here is the lowdown.Stabbed me in the back 4 times. Everytime i leave town for 4 days to visit my family, she finds another guy. Apparently some of this is BS and she got interested in another guy again. Am I an idiot for trusting her? yes. Am i an idiot for giving her chances? Yes. BUt I still stand by the fact that I followed my heart. I tried my best to take it offline, and apparently she got scared because I would. What does that prove? Well why not tell me yourself. Yes, online relationships are stupid and crap. But I live by the belif that even behind the keyboard is a soul with emotions and crap. But life does go on. I'll always remember my bro and his relationships. he never seemed down, he seemed strong after his ended. I always look up to him, despite our constant fighting and drifting. Oh yeah, my mom won't let me run my own life now. Apparently she was trying to scheme and have me not go. SHe needs to let me run my own life and let me grow up -_- bleh whatever. I'm behind in my classes and need to catch up badly. My car is constantly giving me trouble, and i'm in serious money problems, so maybe what lydia did was a good thing. Well lates all. Have fun reading my emo-tastic journal full of angst and crap. btw, the person who keeps saying kill myself *that would be you proof* i'm glad you take an interest in my journal but I won't be doing that. The world will have to live with me. Suicide is never the anwser. But thanks for reading and commenting anyway Current Mood:  playing halo2 alot Current Music: www.gamingfm.com April 5th, 200501:18 pm: love sucks
i'm tired of falling for people, especially online. yes it's stupid, illogical, and never should be done. but I fell for someone online. Like usual, i can't even take 4 days to visit my family before she flips out on me. Maybe she isn't worth my time. WIth how she has been acting, i've seirously been considering just leaving her. She hides me in the shadows, won't acknowledge I exist in public, never understands my feelings, supports me, and always doesn't care what I do. WHy do i need someone like that. i'm tired of her shit. -_- why should I try and spend alot of money going to see her, if she just blows it off as something that isn't important. I'm tired of giving my all to girls, proving to them i'm dedicated, that I actually care. Why should I love, when I do not get anything in return. I admit, we had good times, but all those bad times were worse, and it pains me. This is the third time she's done this to me. Can i stand a fourth? Current Mood:  miserable as hell Current Music: suicidal Emo music April 3rd, 200510:56 pm: My vacation
okay yeah, i had a semi-decent time. Here is a lyout of what I did, footnotes to follow Monday:I'm driving all day, i left late because of lydia. I end up at heathers house at about 9pm. At first I thought heather was beign strange but thought mreh, whatever. Tuesday: I try to hang out with josh, didn't work out well. I went to see Mr.Z who completly blew me off. Apparently all my freinds weren't around. micheal moved to Utah about 2 months earlier so i'm like WTH?!! So I end up watching movies with my dad all day. Wendsday: Josh is late and gets busted again. My FFCC addiction goes without being satisfied. Eventually I get basically an hour with josh. I spend all day with my dad again. Watching movie and stuff. Mainly LoTR special edition of return of the king. Nothing like 4 hours of fun. Thursday: i go to watch robots with my G-Parents, who won't support my trip to Germany this summer. We had a good lunch, then i left for heathers. Got their late, then we slept. Friday: We mainly play FFCC. Awesome game, everyone should have it. Anyway, heather brushes her hair all day, paying hardly any attention to anything else. SO that was that day Saturday: pretty much the same thing. FFCC, me and dave had our "guy chat" watched FMA. Sunday: Hung out until 4, drove home, come home to complete ignorance by lydia. Now i'm worried she found someone else, just like last time I was gone for a week x.x now for sidenotes As I went home, i noticed that I didn't know alot of people. i pretty much hung with my dad only. Very boring. I guess coming home wasn't that good an idea. ALso, heather seems to be ignoring me these days. I'm afriad that we aren't even freinds anymore. I don't know what will happen to us, but it's her own fault it seems. I tried to talk to her, but the whole 4 days i was there, she didn't have one conversation with me. Just sucks really. Well that's today's update. Talk to ya peeps later. Current Mood:  strange Current Music: my t.v.
Powered by LiveJournal.com
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
